They're Coming to Take Me Away

[Zetty/Alfred]

OoC::
Behold, the first AU board on this forum. -gaspeth- I was planning on making a behind-the-scenes AU roleplay first, but I haven't finished that up yet. So this will come first. And yes, I did use Tobi just slightly in my introduction. Excuse me for doing so.

BiC::

Welcome to the Konohagakure Insane Asylum!
We are a simple mental institute located right across from the Ichiraku Cafe, and to the left of the Mayor's(Tsunade) edifice. Why should you trust us with your mental patient? Simple! We offer these among other things:
- A clean, safe environment.
- Pure white building for those with Chromatophobia.
- Controlled, fun activities for everyone to help pass the time.
- Counseling sessions every week for everyone.
- Visitation hours: 5 am. - 8 pm(we ask that you only come for an hour per day, though)
- Great food.
- Special activities for holidays.
And much more! So stop by today; you won't regret it!

Welcome to Hell in a White Building!
We are a simple satanic building painted pure white, right across from all sorts of buildings that have actual freedom. Why should you trust your insane children in our fine claws? You shouldn't! At all! We offer these among other things:
- A sanitary, hellish environment.
- Pure white walls, painted to hide the blood.
- Activities that are not fun, do not pass time, and are often called slavery.
- Visits to boring workers who like to make you angry so you are put into solitary confinement for a matter of weeks every week.
- Visits from free people who don't really care about you, but come to visit anyway.
- The worst food in the world.
- Extra slavery for holidays
And much, much more! So don't stop by today, you will regret it! Turn away while you still can, you free fool! Run! Ruuun!

Let us compare these two fliers right away. If you can not tell, one is being paid to write theirs. The other person, however, is just doing it for the sake of anyone who is thinking of joining the asylum.
Without further adieu, welcome to living hell!

=x=

Drip, drop. Drip, drop.

That sickening sound of liquid falling. Why wouldn't it stop? It was.. so taunting. Shaking uncontrollably, the man growled. " M-m-make it stop! " He snapped through gritted teeth. His pure, pupil less yellow eyes narrowed in aggravation. Thrashing his head on the padded walls, the man gave a growl. " Zetsu! Time to go! You have a visitor, come on! " Yelled a visitor. The lifeless, angered yellow eyes seemed to glisten for a moment. A visitor? For him? It had been months since someone had visited! Hopping to his two legs, the man rushed to his cell's door. Now was his chance. Time to run. As the guard talked to another in a hushed voice, he started running, shaking in his straitjacket. Quickly he was tackled and thrown against a wall harshly. Slowly his eyes closed as blood dripped from his head. The guard looked at his comrades. " The patients should be more careful. They might just trip like this plant did. " The others nodded in agreement. Oh, yes, he had slipped. No one would be sued now because he had slipped. Lovely.

" Get up! " The guard grunted, kicking the insane man in the side. Zetsu opened his eyes and spat out a glob of blood, wondering exactly where he was at the moment. " I swear to god if you don't get up right now! " Feeling a sharp jab in his left leg, Zetsu growled. He arose, eye brows furrowed. Who the hell did this guy think he was, exactly? Gritting his teeth, he then remembered he couldn't really do anything with his straitjacket on. Sigh. How depressing. " Now, you're keeping your visitor waiting. Are you going to cooperate this time, or do I have to handcuff you and treat you like the homicidal, you lowlife bipolar plant? " Zetsu didn't speak, but his eyes wandered to the ground. Even if he had a visitor, should he show his face like this? His hair wasn't combed, his venus fly trap hadn't been clipped in weeks, and his purple nail polish had all chipped away. " Come on, houseplant. " Zetsu held back a snarl at the horrible nickname, but followed the guard in silence.

" I'm going to let you out of your straitjacket for the time being, but at the first sight of you doing anything remotely wrong I'll put you in solitary confinement for three more weeks without any food. Understand me? " As you see, it seemed that the facility was against its patients. " Uh-huh. " " I swear I'd beat you until you turned pure black if others weren't around. You arrogant little cannibal. " Slowly the man undid the straitjacket, to reveal the simple attire underneath. Refusing to wear anything but a cloak, they had a custom made white cloak for the man. Like that Akatsuki cloak, only pure white. Sighing deeply, his eyes scanned the room. His gaze fixated on an orange mask. Wait. His visitor was Tobi? Ohboy. Wouldn't this be fun? As if he wasn't insane enough, now Tobi was here. At least he didn't have to live with him anymore.

" Zetsu-san! Zeetttsssuu-saaan! " The boy jumped up and down like a hyper child, a large smile hiding behind his orange mask. " Hello Tobi. " Zetsu gave a weak smile, walking towards the friend. " Guess what? Deidara might be coming here to live with you! " A look of sheer horror crossed the black and white man's face. Deidara.. live in the Asylum as well? Oh god no! " W-why? " He studdered, left eye giving a twitch. " He was caught stuffing clay down a cat s throat. The cat exploded! It even rained blood! " Tobi made little hand signals to explain what had happened. Zetsu's eye twitched once more. He couldn't even begin to imagine a cat exploding. Good god have mercy.

" Care to take a walk, Tobi? " Zetsu offered after a moment of listening to the younger male babble on about blood raining from the sky and cats guts. " Sure, Zetsu-san! " He replied in a hyper manner, obviously sugar high. The two then began to walk while Tobi continued to talk about the gruesome details of the cat s rather interesting death.

[Dojo]

"WHAT THE HELL! THAT CAT HAD IT COMING!" A strangled yelp came from some new blonde-haired patient. With a muffled "hn", he was thrown into a room with white walls and many windows. With bars of course. The light confused Deidara as he came back from his crazed state, and he looked up unhappily. Why had he been put in here? "That cat deserved being blown to bits. He wasn't a work of art!" the man muttered, chuckling as he stroked his hands with a slight purr.

Now that he was somewhat normal again, he could think about escaping. Tobi had been sent here to tell Zetsu of his arrival. Maybe Tobi could bust him out? Deidara chuckled again, shuffling to a corner of the bright room. Oh, he'd get out all right. He'd get out and blow up all kinds of s**t.

(Lame, I know. I'm not having any inspiration right now, seeing that my sugar high has left me. xD)

[Dojo]

(Okay, that was the worst post in the history of posts. )

[Zetty/Alfred]

Zetsu winced, holding back the urge to cover his ears. d**n, could the blondie get any louder? " Sempai must be here. " Tobi mumbled, Zetsu sighing. Of course, all the asylum needed was another loudmouth. He couldn't help but hold back a chuckle as he listened to what had escaped the mouth of the blonde bomber, however. The cat had it coming, he said? Wow. Alrighty then. Yeah, and Zetsu was a vegetarian.

" Well, he was thrown in faster than I expected! " Tobi voiced in a cheery tone. Zetsu was amused at how little concern the boy seemed to hold. They were great partners, weren't they?

[Zetty/Alfred]

OoC::

Correction.
That was the worst post ever.

[Dojo]

"Now, you're new, so you are allowed to walk the grounds...But if I find you doing anything homicidal to ANYONE or ANYTHING...So help me I'll..." a man in white roared, coming into Deidara's cell. The blonde just chuckled, showing his mouthed hand. The tongue was sticking out and waggling around. What a way to show dislike for someone. The man sighed and roughly threw Deidara out to...Well, wherever he was allowed to go.

And that was when Deidara, all covered wth cat muck and gore on his Akatsuki cloak, spotted Tobi and Zetsu.

"TOBI! What the hell are you doing here, hn? You were supposed to keep the cat 'splosion a secret..." he muttered angrily, stalking up to the pair.

[Zetty/Alfred]

Tobi jumped, quickly hiding behind the taller man for protection. Zetsu raised his left eyebrow, surprised at how fast Tobi had hidden. " I'm here to visit Zetsu-san. " He replied shakily, nodding towards the multi-toned other he stood next to. Zetsu held back a repulsed look on his face. The smell of death; of cat's insides. Oh god. It was enough to make him wince and want to go throw up.

Zetsu didn't step away from Tobi, but rather just stood there instead. Like a brick wall. He had often been the one to protect Tobi when he wasn't a part of the Akatsuki, but more of a underling. So in all truth, he was used to helping the boy out of trouble. " Hello, Deidara. " He spoke in a flat tone. Did you think someone wouldn't find out about the cat? I mean, come on. You look repulsive. And smell like death as well. His black side barked out in thought, white side not allowing it to reach his lips. They really didn't need a fight of any sort at this moment.

Tobi kept quiet, hiding behind his friend. His red eye gleamed from the small opening in his mask, watching Deidara carefully. He was grateful that Zetsu was there. Sempai scared him some times.

[Dojo]

"Tobi, you little..." Deidara muttered as he saw the masked man jump behind Zetsu. The taller Akatsuki member looked at him like he was insane. Well, he was, apparently. He WAS in an insane asylum...

The blonde shook the thought off as he neared Zetsu. "Hello Deidara." he'd said in a rather monotone voice. They weren't too happy to see him, he supposed.

"What? Are you not happy to see me here? Or do you not like the smell of dead cat, hn?" he chuckled, sending his pointer finger to the edge of the blood-soaked cloak. A second later, and the finger was brought to Deidara's lips, stained with blood and some other junk.

"I rather like the smell. And taste!" his eyes brightened as the finger went into his mouth.

[Zetty/Alfred]

" Actually, I don't find the smell of pre-digested tuna that a cat ate before it was blown to bits all that attractive. " His voice was almost robotic, and had a creepy vibe to it. His black side sneered as he watched the blondie lick off the cat's insides that he had wiped onto his finger. " And when you're sick, and choking up your organs one by one because that crap causes you to catch a deadly stomach virus, I'll be here laughing. " Oh, he had the image playing in his mind. For you see, when Zetsu was nothing but a child, his mother(who happened to be his only alive relative/blood-related family member) came down with food poisoining. And he had to sit there and watch her vomit her organs from her body, and watch her spew her crimson blood all over the carpet.

He had tried to get medical help for his mother, but no one was willing to help the mother of a monster. He had knelt at the feet of his neighbours, pleading and begging. But his attempts were simply shoo'd away with a swift kick; as if he was a four-legged animal. The white side of Zetsu had gone silent as the memories flooded his memory, but his black side kept a sadistic smirk plastered onto his face.

Tobi looked up at Zetsu in silence, clinging to the man as if he were the only thing keeping him alive at this moment in time. In fact, he most likely was. He could notice the all too familiar look on the white side of Zetsu's face. He tugged on the white arm of the man, snapping him from the state or dark reminiscing. He looked down at Tobi, and gave a silent look of 'thanks'. Tobi merely gave a smile and returned to his hiding state.